A Magical Trip

I never chose my place of birth, or the circumstances. The first true memory I have is of me at age 4, I was looking up, and I saw the face of my mother.

I remember I was at school, a sunny day, I looked at my own clothes, I was small, the place was big, and I was confused. I hadn’t realized, but that was the start of my journey.

The Path

Years went by, I learned some things, I got ashamed of others, forewent many more. But there was a central doubt: What was I going to do? What was my destiny? I didn’t know. I wasn’t going to follow the herd, but the pull was strong, everyone was talking university, everyone was talking careers, some were talking girls, others were talking games, and very few were talking nothing. I said: “I’ll be a university student, get my degree, get a job, make money, buy a house, die old…” But that was not my destiny, and life showed me why very early on.

The Turbulence

I reached 15, and things got quite different. I didn’t want to go outside at all, I felt extremely ugly, unlikable, unworthy. I’d see other people and feel inadequate, I’d hide my pain behind a mask of indifference and rage, a dangerous combination. Games were my only escape, but they were a painful crutch, my health was deteriorating, my mind going nowhere, and my destiny still unknown.

The Promise at Dawn

My mother told me that when I was 4, I’d play Mario Bros all day on the computer. I remember doing it, not when it started, probably before my first memory, but I remember. At the dawn of my life, I was already on a computer.

The World’s Grandeur

Computer, software, technology, in the world of today, knowing these fields is a (mostly) profitable talent. Since it seemed that my destiny was aligned with this talent, I decided to become a software engineer, but I didn’t know where to start.

The path the world showed was clear: university. Problem? I didn’t like it, at all. My old insecurities resurfaced, what if I was too ugly, too dumb, too inefficient, too slow…

I didn’t believe in the promise of my own grandeur, not in the way I do now.

The Development of a Mind

University was not an option, too expensive, too many people, too many rules, too many world. But I was not without resources, the internet, the great online libraries, would become my source of learning, of perfecting my talent.

It took me years to bridge the knowledge gap, the language gap. This seemed insurmountable without a guide, someone to validate me, to tell me it was enough, or that I was on the right track. I realized that I’d need to do everything on my own, and it was exhausting.

Eventually, I had secluded myself inside my own niche, and the world would not know me, if ever.

The Journey’s End

During my last months, I decided to apply the knowledge I had been hoarding, and even then, I found it insufficient, lacking. I released this blog, I started developing a personal website, thought of some business ideas. It seems I had a shred of hope, but I was too tired, and the world kept moving, while I became the Omega, finally at peace, finally at the Journey’s End.